It wasn't a right nor a wrong decision.

I never really planned to go to that path. I've received some proposals before  but it was never my interest. But the moment you've awaken me, pain was the first thing that popped into my mind. And after that, all I was longing for was to be whipped and spanked. Because I want to experience too much pain that when I reach the vertex, I won't be able to feel pain anymore. And that was what happened. I was floating, it was a great subliminal feeling of contentment. Anger and hatred personified were gone. It was too scary though that I thought I will be emotionally shut down. It seemed like I was on the way to self-destruction. I didn't care who the person is who'll do the infliction of pain, I just needed to be where I want to be and what I want to feel.  After what happened, I felt like I was born again. I can see marks but I like looking at them. It represents something like a fruit. Or a representation of all pains and sufferings that were inflicted in me during my existence.